Are you Struggling with Unwanted Same-Sex Attractions?

This morning’s Sun cover “GAY OL’ TIME” must have irked some Toronto Sun staff. It’s great to see the Toronto Sun supporting the Pride Parade but it would have been more interesting if the Sun used the Gay Pride Parade as an opportunity to talk people out of homosexuality - as is commonly practiced in the United States.

Here’s an excerpt from an article I stumbled across last year and prompted me to write an Urban Country article entitled “Thinking about leaving Homosexuality?):

Thinking of Leaving Homosexuality?

Are you struggling with unwanted same-sex attractions? Maybe you have lived as a homosexual for a long time, but now are looking for a way out. You have come to the right place! For thirty years, Exodus International has offered hope and help to people seeking freedom from homosexuality. We believe and we have seen in thousands of lives that this freedom is possible through the power of God working in our hearts and minds.

The bottom line - you don't have to be gay! You can lead a life of fulfillment and holiness as God intended, a life far better than what you have experienced so far.

The journey to wholeness isn't an easy one, but we will be with you through the process. Our international network of Christian ministries, therapists and churches are devoted to providing the love and care you need as you pursue God, holiness, and healing.

Read the full article on The Urban Country.

Cover Rating: POSITIVE NEWS

‘If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit’

Apparently someone lost their glove. The Toronto Sun has thoughtfully printed a photo of the missing glove on the front cover this morning. OJ? Is that your glove? Remember, “if it doesn’t fit, you must acquit”. Or maybe Santa Clause lost his magical white glove?

In all seriousness, the Sun is paying a very kind tribute to the ‘King of Pop’ Michael Jackson after passing away yesterday after going into cardiac arrest. Jackson - one of the most influential musicians in modern times – was an extremely talented musician and songwriter and has had a long-lasting impact on modern pop music.

He is now among the other musical legends who have died before their time and will forever be remembered.

Cover Rating: NEUTRAL NEWS

Give Me Some Action

Tough talk, no action. Reminds me of that girl that I had a crush on in high school. She’d always talk tough when I was climbing the tree outside her window with my binoculars, but she never gave me any action.

I remember the one time when we were in court for a restraining order against me - she had really tough words to say about me to the judge - lots of tough talk but no action.

Now Mayor Miller is apparently acting just like that girl that I used to watch while she showered. Except I wouldn’t want to watch Mayor Miller showering, that wouldn’t be cool. I mean I’m not saying he’s a bad looking guy, but I’m just not into that sort of thing.

The Toronto Sun this morning is accusing Miller for talking tough to citizens who are illegally dumping their garbage, but he’s apparently “waffling” on strikers blocking legal sites. Can you blame the guy? He didn’t spend close to 6 years cleaning up the City of Toronto to have it all flushed down the drain by a bunch of right-wing garbage mongerers.

In related news, Ontario came alarmingly close to absolute chaos today. Canadians can comfortably live without garbage pickup for a little while, but we most definitely cannot live without our booze. The LCBO recorded record sales that could reach up to $60 million dollars on Tuesday - the LCBO does about $7 million dollars in business on an average summer day – as people stockpiled their cellars with liquor in anticipation of a possible LCBO strike. Fortunately a deal was struck today.

It’s a little bit ironic that the Toronto Sun is accusing someone of talking tough without following up with action - considering the entire existence of the Toronto Sun is based upon a decades-old-culture of talking tough without action. And until I see Sun columnist Joe Warmington run down a cyclist in his car, or Lorrie Goldstein prove Global Warming is a hoax, or Sue-Ann Levy detonate a carpet bomb on “Socialist Silly Hall”, I will stand by this statement.

Cover Rating: NEUTRAL NEWS

Look at the Garbage Piling Up

Hold your nose? Are you kidding me Toronto Sun? It has only been one day since Toronto city workers went on strike and we already need to hold our nose? Are we that dependent on garbage collection that we can’t make it even one day? If this is true then our city has bigger challenges ahead of us.

Oh and thanks for letting your readers know not to hold their breath. The Toronto Sun would be in a heap of trash if a reader were to take your advice and hold his nose but forget to breathe out of his mouth. I know, I know ‘don’t hold your breath’ is a clever little phrase with multiple meanings and isn’t meant to be taken literally and we shouldn’t hold our breath to expect garbage services to resume anytime soon. But at least the Toronto Sun has covered all its legal bases.

Cover Rating: NEUTRAL NEWS

Stinky Indeed

At midnight last night, about half of all City of Toronto workers walked off the job (approximately 25,000 people). Among the services that will be affected are garbage collection, city pools and city-run day care centres. Memories of the stinky 2002 strike that left the city without garbage pickup for 16 days remains front and centre in most Torontonians’ minds.

As such, the Toronto Sun this morning printed one of the ugliest covers I’ve encountered since the inception of TSS.com. They even neglected print a photo on this morning’s cover; instead opting to print the words “THIS STINKS” with a white background in a even-more-gigantic-than-normal font.

Context is everything. In the absence of a photo to qualify the words “THIS STINKS”, I’d be inclined to relate the words “THIS STINKS” to the newspaper itself. So perhaps this is the most fitting and truthful cover that the Toronto Sun has ever printed.

Cover Rating: NEGATIVE NEWS

Iggy Ready To Get Jiggy

Today’s Toronto Sun cover isn’t very exciting. I was fairly certain that Jim Balsillie wouldn’t succeed in bringing the Phoenix Coyotes to Hamilton anyway given Gary Bettman’s hard-on for crushing Balsillie’s dream to bring a 7th NHL team to Canada. The cover photo features a nice story about a disabled Grade 7 girl who donated her hair to charity while the top feature story reads “COPS SAY MOM CARRIED 3 DEAD BABIES IN A BOX”.

Given that I’ve been away the last few days, I figured I’d catch up on the Sun covers I missed:

Friday’s hilarious sub-line: “Queers Against Israeli Apartheid participation in Pride Parade sparks outrage”.

Here’s Saturday’s brilliant photo tag-line: “Pensational!”

Friday’s cover is actually really well done. I love the photo and it’s a very positive story about the renovations taking place at Union Station. Had I been in town on Friday, I might have actually considered purchasing the Toronto Sun because of this cover. On second thought, it’s a nice cover but I probably still wouldn’t pay a dime for the paper.

Thursday’s cover is just hilarious. When I look at this cover, I don’t even see a giant picture of an elephant; all I can think about is “Iggy ready to get jiggy”. Iggy ready to get jiggy? Are you serious? Did they really print this? Was the cover editor sick that day? Did this actually get approved?

That’s it for now folks. I’ll try to get back to daily posts again this week once I get back into my daily routine.

Cover Ratings: POSITIVE NEWS & NEUTRAL NEWS

Preem-itive Newspaper

Today’s Toronto Sun features the headline “WE BLEW IT: PREEM”. And by “PREEM”, the Toronto Sun is childishly referring to the Premier of Ontario, Dalton McGuinty. I can’t say I’ve ever heard of a Premier being referred to as “Preem”, but I guess you need to be creative when using ridiculously large fonts on the front cover of a newspaper.

In related news, the TSS blog is slowly working its way up in the Google ranks for the term “Toronto Sun”. We’re now sitting in position 9, surpassing our friends over at the Toronto Sun Family blog which is currently sitting in 14th position.

Cover Rating: NEUTRAL NEWS

Police Academy Reminiscing

Today’s Toronto Sun cover brings back fond memories of the Police Academy series of movies that started in 1984 and ended in 1994 with today’s headline “HECK NO… HE WON’T GO”. If you’re old enough to have enjoyed the Police Academy movies you’ll know what I’m talking about.

You remember Tackleberry, Hightower, Mahoney and the gang. Here are some classic quotes from Police Academy movies:

“To me, marriage is a sacred institution. So tell me, you and the wife do it doggie-style, or what?” George Martin

After reading through countless other Police Academy quotes, I realized they aren’t very funny after all. It’s seriously not very funny.

Now I’m thinking back to the movie and wondering how the hell I found it funny. I guess I was only 4 years old when the first movie was released. When you’re 4 years old it’s funny when someone makes a farting noise with their mouth; so perhaps that’s why I thought Police Academy was funny.

Cover Rating: NEGATIVE NEWS

Toronto Sun vs. Toronto Star headlines

After a brief hiatus (and a great weekend up North) I’m returning to my daily mockery of the Toronto Sun headlines. Today’s headline features the ousting of eHealth CEO Sarah Kramer for allegedly awarding $2 million in untendered contracts to associates of her and eHealth chair Dr. Alan Hudson. Kramer is also allegedly being paid a cool $317,000 for her departure.

It’s sometimes interesting to compare Toronto Sun headlines with Toronto Star headlines. The Sun headline reads “DUMPED!”, while the Star’s reads “eHealth executive ejected”. It sort of feels like you’re reading a postcard and then reading a Shakespeare novel.

I also found today’s cover interesting because the Toronto Sun boastfully credits itself for Kramer’s removal in its sub-heading: “Two weeks after Sun reveals eHealth Ontario’s wasteful spending, CEO ousted”.

And last but not least, we have a brilliant cover photo featuring two dogs getting married. Seriously people? Seriously?

Cover Rating: NEUTRAL NEWS

It’s Raining Cats and Dogs, and DEATH

Yesterday’s inspirational Toronto Sun cover must not have sold very well because we’re already back to typical Toronto Sun covers with this morning’s “FIGHT OVER CATS, DOGS AND DEATH” headline. Apparently using words like “FIGHT and DEATH” sells newspapers. Back in February we saw the similarly ludicrous headline “DIE AT HOME”.

Cover Rating: NEGATIVE NEWS

Inspiration in Difficult Times

Hats off to the Toronto Sun today. This morning’s cover story features 27-year-old singer/songwriter Justin Hines; a Newmarket native and rising musician. Hines’ latest song “Say What You Will” is about what you would say if you knew you were going to die today. Watch the inspirational music video for this song filmed at Dundas Square featuring different people holding inspirational words on banners.

Hines was born with Larsen’s syndrome which bounds him to a wheelchair, but he doesn’t let it bring him down: “I sort of see it as a positive thing; especially in this business.I mean, it’s drawn some attention, and uh, I think that’s one of the hardest things.”

Toronto Sun readers were tired of Joe Warmington’s cry-baby tirades and contempt for cyclists, so today’s article is a welcome change.

Cover Rating: POSITIVE NEWS