TTC: The Better Lay

We have certainly seen our share of adolescent headlines on the front cover of the Toronto Sun over the years, including some of the worst puns imaginable, often resulting in a face palm to a passer-by with an IQ over 90.

That is after all why we started this site back in January 2009 – to mock the absurd covers that appear on those red boxes scattered around the city.

Having said the disclaimer above, I have to concede that the play on the TTC’s catch phrase on Tuesday’s cover is actually pretty good. Credit where credit is due.

Now it’s time to get back to my “Better Lay”. Goodnight folks.

Sun High School Intern

The Toronto Sun high-school-surfer-intern is back on headline duty. Today he came up with the headline “KILLER DONATION”.

Last time we wrote about the intern he coined the phrase “KILLER FIRE” on March 25th, 2009.

Today’s runner-up headlines were:

• KILLER WAVES
• KILLER ALTRUISM
• KILLER BUD
• KILLER SELFLESSNESS
• KILLER HUMANITY

But they settled on KILLER DONATION. Until next time, high-school-surfing-skating-narly-intern.

Sun Readers Illiterate?

On this morning’s cover, the Toronto Sun asked its readers to turn to page 6 “If you can read this”. Apparently Opposition Leader Michael Ignatieff’s former chief of staff said Sun readers are illiterate.

Instead of brushing off this claim as ridiculous – as would be expected from a normal newspaper – the Toronto Sun actually questioned whether its readers were literate or not by testing them on the front cover to turn to page 6.

Strangely, nobody turned to page 6… Hmmm…

Endangered Species

Today’s cover highlights Rob Ford’s transit plan and how he plans to replace hundreds of streetcars with diesel buses. Sounds like a great idea!

The Sun could have just as easily displayed a picture of a Toronto immigrant with the headline “endangered species” after Ford made the statement that he doesn’t want to let any more immigrants in to Toronto.

Mayoral Race Heating Up

Toronto’s mayoral race is starting to get exciting. The gay candidate’s estranged brother - a truck driver who is running for council - is endorsing the candidate who doesn’t like gay people, while he himself sports a somewhat gay shirt on the cover of the Sun. Sound like the beginning of a bad (gay) porn movie.

Dead End Pun

I always imagine the Sun editors gathering in a circle and giggling amongst themselves when they think they have come up with a clever pun. Perhaps that why today’s pun doesn’t leave a great taste in my mouth.

You be the judge…

You’re Not Fully Clean Unless You’re Zestfully Clean

Every so often, the Toronto Sun hires a little old granny to come up with the headlines. Today is no exception. Little old granny went with the phrase “POTTY MOUTH” on this morning’s cover.

The Sun’s little old granny was also spotted at Mr. Smitherman’s residence with a bar of soap in her hand. And not just any old soap – Zest soap - quite possibly the nastiest tasting soap on the market – reserved for only the most foul remarks.

Catching Up on Toronto Sun Mocking

I know, it’s been pretty quiet on here lately. Some people have better things to do than mock the most mockable newspaper in Toronto!

Let’s try to make up for lost time. Here are some recent Toronto Sun covers for your viewing pleasure:

Among the tiger terror suspects being held is the one and only Tony the Tiger:

I have to agree with the Sun here. They should have spent that $50Gs at the nudie bar rather than wasting it on a hospital. Sheesh.

In related news, the Credit Valley Hospital weekly magazine’s cover read “NEWSPAPER WASTE: TORONTO SUN”.

Isn’t every day a NIGHTMARE ON THE 401?

I like the line “No one helped after body run over on busy highway”. No shit, otherwise the cover would have read “Good Samaritans run over on busy highway after trying to help body who was also run over on busy highway”.

Subsidized housing for “starving artists”? Why wouldn’t they use that money to buy food for these starving artists? This cover stinks to high heaven.

Looks like Mr. Ford lost a few pounds for this Photoshop photo.

Lefties gone wild? Could you imagine watching TV at 4AM and seeing Joe Pants going topless in Daytona beach? Now that would be a hot seller.

Yes Toronto Sun, we get it. Mr. Smitherman wants to kiss Mr. McGuinty. Yes, we know, Mr. Smitherman is a gay man. And when a gay man kisses you, it’s the KISS OF DEATH.

It’s Still Just a Ford

The Toronto Sun isn’t hiding who it supports for mayor in the upcoming municipal elections. Rob Ford has been a Sun favourite for many years – and now Ford has revealed his ambition to some day be the Prime Minister of Canada.

The “sputtering pitbull” has had a history of controversy as a Toronto City Councillor, but Michelle Mandel shows his softer side – Ford became teary-eyed during the interview for the Sun article.

But Mandel didn’t hold anything back – she discussed almost every controversial thing that Rob Ford has said or done (with one notable exception where Globe and Mail reporter John Barber called Ford a “fat fuck”).

Mayoral contender Sarah Thomson posted the fat fuck video on her Facebook page recently, but it appears she has now taken it down.

I suspect she removed the video after reading a comment that her posting this video opens the door for other mayoral candidates to dig up dirt on her past.

Anyway, back to Rob Ford. After Barber called him a fat fuck in 2005, a schoolyard-like scene ensued with Ford chasing Barber asking him why he called him a fat fuck.

Even if this is the all new “Souped-Up” Ford, at the end of the day, it’s still just a Ford.

Sun puts the “Ass” in “Class”

The Toronto Sun didn’t hold anything back this morning on its cover, calling Helena Guergis a dog. At first I wasn’t sure if this was a late April Fool’s joke (and not even a funny one at that).

I can’t think of anything more inappropriate than a male newspaper editor calling a woman a dog on its cover.

The reinforces my belief that the struggling Toronto Sun will say almost anything to try to sell a newspaper…